Chapter 1: The Deal with God

Life is often a teacher, imparting valuable lessons through challenging experiences that make us reevaluate our beliefs and choices. My personal journey involved making a pact with God, a commitment I eventually realized I needed to break. This tumultuous path led me to self-discovery, redemption, and a deeper appreciation for the mercy of a Higher Power.

During my marriage, I found myself ensnared in a toxic relationship driven by greed and deceit. My partner and his family seemed more interested in my father's wealth than in our love. Despite the support from my parents and the extravagant dowry given at our wedding, their relentless greed overshadowed everything. I felt like a mere pawn in their materialistic game, devoid of love and care, which left me feeling empty and broken.

After our divorce, I found myself making a desperate deal with God. I had truly loved him, and his departure felt like a significant loss. The night before he left, he appeared so happy and at peace with me that I could never have anticipated what was coming. People can often disguise their true intentions, and sometimes, our innocence blinds us to reality.

It was an ordinary evening when he suggested I visit my parents for a while to enjoy some family time. I took his advice, as my time with my in-laws had become increasingly uncomfortable due to their failed schemes. My father, wise and perceptive, understood that the situation was heading toward ruin. He wouldn't allow me to sacrifice my soul, yet I failed to heed his warnings, believing that my husband’s love for me was lacking.

When I went to see my parents, my in-laws became furious and contacted my father, expressing their desire for me not to return. Under their pressure, my husband remained silent, and we lost all communication. No social media updates, no calls, nothing. Yet, all I could remember were his promises—that he would never abandon me.

Three months later, I received a court letter informing me that he had divorced me without my knowledge. According to Sharia law, we were now considered haram (forbidden) to each other. My first reaction was to run to God, questioning His love and care, praying for my husband’s return. I promised to be His devoted servant forever, unaware that this was a deal I would eventually break.

Although he didn’t leave me for another woman, when he reappeared, he had taken another wife and asked me to marry him too. He expressed regret, stating he had been weak and pressured by his family, but now he felt capable of caring for me. I respected him for his kindness and the way he parted from me, leaving me with affection rather than bitterness. I often reflect on a line from my poetry, inspired by our experience:

For this story’s ending may not be bright,

But let us part with grace, on a beautiful night.

How relationships end is significant; despite his betrayal, he never placed blame on me. He left gracefully, and I understood that even betrayal can be executed with care, sparing others' feelings.

For seven long years, I prayed to God to bring my ex back into my life. One day, my prayers were answered when he reached out, asking me to remarry him. At that moment, I felt God had fulfilled my request. But was I truly ready? No! To remarry him would have been a betrayal of my soul.

The seven-year deal I made with God was to bring him back into my life in exchange for never asking for anything again. When he returned, I recognized that my needs had changed; I no longer desired what I once thought I wanted. I realized my life is precious, and I had discovered my own worth.

People might assume I acted out of pride or hatred toward him, but that wasn’t the case. This journey was about self-discovery. I married him at 18, and by 20, I had already divorced him. I had not fully grasped my worth back then.

When he returned, the burden I had carried for years lightened, but I understood that returning to that toxic environment was not an option. I couldn't trust his family again, and I felt that if he could leave once, he could do it again. Continuing to communicate would have meant betraying his new wife, and I couldn’t bear to inflict pain on her. Sometimes, we must release what no longer serves us, even if it seems like a second chance.

This time, I chose to leave him gracefully. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I distanced myself without blame or accusations. I learned the art of graceful betrayal from him, not only to protect myself from future pain but also to shield him and his wife. I broke my deal with God, informing Him that I no longer wished to be a source of heartache.

Through this experience, my connection with God deepened. I learned He listens when no one else does. I discovered the importance of reflecting on my own faults instead of placing blame and found solace in His presence.

So, my advice to you is this: cherish your life and live in a way that brings you pride and fulfillment. Avoid making desperate deals or compromising your worth for others. Remember, it is not God who breaks the promises we make with Him, but often ourselves.

Chapter 2: The Reflection on Promises

In the video "If You Break a Promise to God…THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!" the speaker explores the consequences of breaking commitments made to God, emphasizing the importance of honesty and integrity in our spiritual relationships.

The second video, "I Broke a Promise to God. Am I Still Bound to This Promise for the Rest of My Life?" delves into the complexities of promises made to God and how they affect our lives, highlighting the possibility of redemption and moving forward.

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— © Misbah Sheikh 2023