Chapter 1: Understanding the Mother Wound

My relationship with my mother is far from ideal, characterized by a series of highs and lows. A sense of unacceptance and lack of love has always lingered, making it difficult to come to terms with the situation. At times, I found myself wishing I were someone else or yearning for different relationships. Yet, amidst these struggles, I hold gratitude for the growth and experiences that have shaped me. Here’s what I’ve discovered.

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Life lacks a definitive guidebook. There’s no magical helpdesk to consult when faced with tough choices. And while I often wish for a superhero to save the day, the truth remains that we must each navigate our own paths, making decisions daily. Motherhood is no exception.

For a long time, I directed my frustrations towards my mother, blaming her for the emotional scars my therapists pointed out. I thought, “If only she had shown more affection” or “If only she had been there for me,” I could have enjoyed a more liberated emotional life with less effort. Those “if only” thoughts were a hindrance, trapping me in a cycle of complaint and blame that diminished my self-worth.

One therapist proposed a fresh perspective: to emotionally detach from my preconceived notions of my relationship with my mother. This shift led me to embrace the concept of reparenting myself, offering myself the love and acceptance I craved as a child. I turned to inner child meditations and self-care practices, believing that healing would come naturally and that I could embody the self-love found in those who experienced secure childhoods. I shifted my mindset from wishing for my mother’s transformation to acknowledging, “I cannot change the past, but I can redefine my relationship with it.”

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I immersed myself in guided meditations, adopted a wholesome diet, practiced intermittent fasting, and kept a journal. However, I occasionally fell into the trap of Spiritual Narcissism, mistakenly believing that my efforts made me superior to those who weren’t as invested. I became somewhat self-righteous, viewing those who hadn’t sought therapy or who led less health-conscious lifestyles as inferior. This notion was misguided; I’ve since come to recognize that everyone possesses unique gifts and lessons to share.

This realization traces back to my upbringing in a Catholic setting, where I attended mass weekly and internalized shame around personal desires, feeling as though divine approval hinged on strict adherence to religious doctrines. My mother, deeply religious, influenced my understanding of spirituality. Over time, I recognized that this self-righteousness wasn’t beneficial, leading me to embrace a more moderate approach.

I now value the grey areas of life, understanding that not everything has a clear answer. Embracing discomfort has become a sign of growth for me. With my diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), I’ve learned that balance is crucial for my well-being.

This newfound perspective has allowed me to redefine my relationship with my mother. I no longer expect her to fulfill my emotional needs or guide me through tough times with her religious beliefs. I had internalized the notion that my emotional sensitivity was flawed, but I’ve come to understand that our differences stem from varied backgrounds and experiences. This realization enables me to love my mother while also maintaining healthy boundaries.

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Currently, I focus on the idea that prioritizing my own needs is not selfish but rather a responsible choice. It’s akin to the airplane safety instructions that remind us to put on our own masks before assisting others. By ensuring I meet my emotional needs, I am taking active steps toward self-improvement and preparing for my future role as a counselor. I’m eager to share the lessons and challenges I’ve encountered along the way.

I now view my mother as a person who has faced her share of hardships. She has lived a full life, filled with love and laughter, and has accomplished remarkable things. Our relationship serves as fertile ground for understanding the struggles she has endured, the challenges of parenting, and the harsh realities of life. I can appreciate that she did her best.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” — Maya Angelou

Chapter 2: Healing the Mother Wound

In this insightful video, "The Mother Wound: 7 Signs You Have It & How to Heal," the speaker delves into the concept of the mother wound, highlighting seven signs that may indicate its presence in your life. It also offers practical strategies for healing and moving forward.

The second video, "6 Ways Mother Wounds Manifest + Impact Your Life - Terri Cole," explores the various ways in which the mother wound can manifest in our lives and its long-lasting effects. Terri provides valuable insights into recognizing these patterns and offers guidance on how to break free from their influence.