Understanding Why Your New Year's Resolutions Often Fail
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Chapter 1: The Struggle with Change
The key to overcoming our struggles with New Year’s resolutions lies in recognizing what we can control and actively reprogramming ourselves. Research suggests that our subconscious mind influences around 95% of our actions. If we don't stay vigilant, we risk drifting aimlessly through life, guided by outdated programs shaped by our past experiences with family, friends, and society. This past often dictates our future, leaving us feeling like passive participants in our own lives, which contributes to our repeated failures in adhering to resolutions.
With years of reinforcing the same neurological pathways, altering our habits becomes a challenging endeavor. Many of us have attempted numerous times, only to be met with failure, leading to feelings of despair and self-doubt. The phrase “You just have to decide” may seem straightforward, but it can feel nearly impossible to believe in ourselves after so many setbacks. If I had heard this advice a few years ago, I would have dismissed it; I simply wasn't prepared to embrace it.
Let’s shift our focus to the aspects we can control—the remaining 5%—and begin to reprogram ourselves. Managing our expectations can help us sidestep many obstacles. As Ryan Holiday discusses in his book "The Obstacle is the Way," we can cultivate discipline and willpower to face our challenges head-on, establishing healthy routines and persistently deciding to change until our mind, body, and spirit align with our unwavering resolve.
Growing up doesn’t happen overnight; our inner child still seeks recognition. If we neglect to acknowledge this part of ourselves, we risk ongoing inner conflict and recurring patterns in our relationships. Emotions such as fear of rejection, abandonment, humiliation, injustice, or betrayal can be overwhelming. It’s essential to step back and engage in a gentle dialogue with ourselves, seeking understanding and presence. This is what our inner self longs for. We are now in control—let’s strive to make peace with our fragmented selves.
Chapter 2: Emotional Intelligence and Its Importance
We often hear about emotional intelligence, defined as the ability to recognize, comprehend, and manage our own emotions, as well as those of others. For instance, we might think, “She hasn’t replied to my message; she must not take me seriously,” or “My boss assigns me too much work; he doesn’t respect my time.” However, it’s possible she’s simply busy, or that my reliability has led my boss to trust me with more responsibilities. These thoughts are valid, yet it may be helpful to explore what triggers them and what lies beneath the surface.
Changing ourselves is a daunting task, which is why many shy away from it. The key is not to cast blame but to recognize that personal development is a personal journey. We ultimately live for ourselves, and committing to this journey requires courage to face discomfort, striving to understand our own emotions and those of others in our lives. Effective communication plays a crucial role in this process. However, we must also acknowledge that our support systems influence our growth, and we have the power to shape them as well.
NEXT WEEK — (Part 4/5): The Role of Support Systems